Some things you probably shouldn't mix. Like pouring gasoline onto hot coals in a charcoal Grill to get the fire burning, perhaps I shouldn't be allowed to play with Electricity.
The Good news is, I'm still here!
Previously, I detailed my actions installing two new lamps on the outside of the Casey Homestead garage, brightening our exterior Driveway at night. I survived that near death experience, so what do I do this past weekend? Mrs. C and I venture out to Lowe's and buy 6 matching ones for the rest of the house!
Now if I could find a way to electrocute myself installing 2 lamps on the garage, what do you think the odds are of it happening while installing 6 more? Hell, who needs a defibrillator?! If my heart ever starts beating irregularly, or stops all together, just get me near a wall socket and stick my finger in, I'll be fine! (Of Course, with my luck, I've probably developed some kind of immunity to electricity, and PP&L will pay my wife to recycle my corpse as a human transformer)
So Saturday Mrs. C and I trek to the Lowes in Shillington, because we were already out that way, where I have plans to spend $200 I have budgeted for Home Improvement on said light fixtures. Well, Hallelujah! The light fixtures we want are marked down! From $49.95 to $44.95!
Then to our Amazement, the two pack of said light fixtures, 2 in a box for $69.95, is on clearance for $34.95! It is the exact same light! I was only planning to buy four but hell, I jump at the bargain. So knowing we need 6 total light fixtures, I snatch up 3 of the two fixture packs. I'm a happy camper. I like coming in under budget. Excess funds could go to the "I want a Riding Lawn Mower Fund" but will probably end up in the "I need a $600 Snowblower" Fund.
Now if you have read this blog before, you know what inevitably is coming. Yes, the light fixtures were made in CHINA. and the first pack I open, guess what? Yes, the Globe is broken, and I'm missing a screw.
It's Chinese Law, I'm telling you, make Americans crazy by selling them stuff that doesn't have all the parts and watch by spy satellite from Outer Space as they try and put it all together.
They probably have a Secret Cable Channel dedicated to airing the foibles of hapless Americans like me over there, and observing the adventures of "Chris Casey Home Improvement Moron" probably gets higher ratings than "Trading Spaces" does here.
I'm probably a big star on a secret Chinese national cable Network, and I don't even know it. The Communist Programmers are probably the ones sending me all the Lowes gift cards and credit offers, just to get me to buy more stuff, so they can make more episodes.
So out of 6 fixtures, I mounted 2 lights on Saturday after getting home and 3 on Sunday. Monday on my way home from work, I stop at the Lowes in Quakertown, receipt and broken, unusable globe, in hand.
I have to give Lowe's credit. They accommodated me. They didn't have any of the clearance two packs at the Q-town store, but they gave me what I needed to finish the job. That's why they are beating the Hell out of the Home Depot. It's called Customer Satisfaction, and I get it at Lowes. When I made it Home Monday night, I quickly finished the last light, and I did it without getting any more jolts!
Now, as for my Shock Therapy...
It is very, very, very,very, very, very, very, (did I say very?) very IMPORTANT that you properly connect the ground wire when installing these lights. OR YOU COULD GET SHOCKED!
To prove that some lessons need continued reinforcement, I shocked myself not once, not twice, not three, but FOUR times, while working on one particular light fixture. You would think I would learn. The dogs all walked out into the yard, watching with interest from afar, while Mrs C. read in her Hammock. Even Dogs are smart enough not to play with electricity, but not me!
I now have a new theory, that the Electrical shocks are impairing my memory, and that's why....hey, Where in the hell are my keys? And what did I do with my phone?.....wait, what was I writing about again? See what I mean?!
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2 comments:
We would only be so lucky that you would drop dead. Then we would no long have to read all your stupid rants.
You do not have to "read all your stupid rants." Do not come onto the site and read if you are not wishing to read the "rants."
You see, this is a personal choice for you, and I need you to understand that you look so dumb because it is like we are forcing you to read something you abhor. We are not, it is YOUR push of the computer keys that bring you here, YOUR choice to read, YOUR choice to keep coming back to read more.
I do not wish death upon you, and your horrid statements, how dare you keep wishing it upon my husband because you read something that was YOUR CHOICE to do and you prejudged that you would not like.
Please, crawl back into your hole, you troglodyte, and go back to sleep. Maybe tomorrow, you will wake up on the bright side of the bed.
Oh, and have a pleasant day.
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