New Lamps on the Garage...ZAPPPP!

In my ongoing efforts at Home Improvement, I occasionally take on tasks to improve the House Of Casey Homestead. This Friday, I endeavored to replace the outdoor lamps on the Front of our garage.

It all started at the Lowes on MacArthur road. I asked Mrs C if she wanted a Fire pit as part of her Anniversary present. We have lots of firewood, thanks to my "fun with trees" in early July, and Mrs C has wanted a fire pit to sit around off our deck on cool evenings. I like the ambiance of it myself, so I was willing. Instead, she suggested we give the garage a minor makeover, such as new lamps, replacing the ones installed 17 years ago when the house was built. All the homes in our development have pretty much the same ugly lights, and we Casey's, we like to be different, so new lamps it was!

Mrs C picked out a classy lamp, and we needed two, one for each side. I had a budget of $200, ( I budget things, I'm crazy that way) and we came in at $196.00+, so I was pleased. So we get home, and I take the old ones off. They weren't even half the size of the new ones, and they didn't light up the driveway very well, so I was glad to take them down. So I open up the first box, and start taking inventory.

You know where it was made, don't you? CHINA. And you know what that means! Yes, one of the cap mounting screws was missing! More on that in a minute. I get the first light assembly up and out and installed in 20 minutes, but of course there is a problem. NO BULBS.

Note: Yes, at this time, the power was off. That becomes very important later.

Please tell me, why in God's name can't they put bulbs in these things? If you are paying almost $200 bucks for 2 fixtures, and each fixture takes 3 bulbs, and they pack it in enough Styrofoam to choke a horse, can't they include three freaking bulbs?

In the meantime, I have opened the other light box, and it has everything it is supposed to. Wow! How did that happen? So I take one of the cap screws and finish the first lamp (Sans bulbs) and call out to the lovely Mrs C. Mrs C had been resting comfortably on her (Now Heavenly) Hammock out in the yard, but she arose, and agreed to go to nearby Bell's hardware to get 6 bulbs and a cap screw. (BTW, she was there and back in 20 minutes, successfully completing her mission, KUDOS!)

While she was gone, I started installing the second light fixture. The first one had taken 20 minutes, this one, a little longer. You see, we have stone facing on our garage, and the first fixture had gone on easily in a spot where the stone was relatively flat, but this one? Because the base was twice as large as the old ones, it conflicted with a large piece of stone jutting out above where the electrical box I had to mount it to was. I finally get it leveled and secure, install all the bulbs, and flip the switch. First fixture is beautiful, second fixture? No power. Turn power off, disassemble. Okay, in getting it secured, black wire came loose. redo wire, turn power on before remounting. Lights work! Great. Turn Power off, remount.

Turn Power on. Fixture not working. Power off. Undo fixture, Cap on white wire loose this time. In trying to get properly secure I kept pulling wires apart. Up and down the ladder I went. So how soon do you think it was until I forgot to turn the power off, just once?

As I lay on the ground, staring skywards, my head next to a 50 pound brass Pig my wife has in our yard, I hear my cross the street neighbor call out, "Are you all right?" "Yeah, I'm fine, just missed a step on the ladder, that's all" I lied.
For all I know, she was shooting me with a camera and the footage is on You tube right now. I'm glad I didn't land with my head on the pig, or I'd have spent Friday night in the ER, as it was, I haven't been there since the infamous snow shovel incident in February, that required 4 stitches in my hand.

Anyway, Mrs C, hearing the neighbor, called out her own question, and because I was now up walking around, laughing, which is what I do at near death experiences, (God knows, I have so many, I've lost count), she doesn't bother leaving the Hammock.
She accepts my assurance that I'm okay, safe in the knowledge that my life insurance is fully paid up. Besides, the dogs were watching, and I'm sure If I had been unconscious they would have at least licked my face, and Mrs C would have noticed eventually.

The Good news is immediately after that I got everything working, and properly secured, and it looks great, especially in the dark, it really brightened up our driveway and property. And I lived to tell the tale! Which is good, after I ended up spending $650 bucks for a new set of dress clothes. It sure would have sucked if the only time I wore them was to be viewed at a wake. Though I would have looked good, for a dead guy.