CSI: Weddings? What not to Wear?

On a list of Top Ten Things that Married Men aren't enthusiastic about doing...

Attending Weddings is in the Top 5.

Why? Why an Aversion to attending an event where we see another guy sacrifice himself on the altar of submission to the desires of a woman? Do we feel that we are being forced to revisit a crime scene? CSI: Weddings?

It's not that we don't stand there at the ceremony, grinning, and telling the guy how lucky he is, oh, yeah, we do that. It's not that we don't take the vows seriously, and understand how important making this commitment is, we know that too.

The point here is, we guys already blew one day of our lives attending our own wedding, and that's about as much as we can take. We are not into Bridezillas, or color co-ordinating the brides dresses, to match the table clothes.
Truth be known, we are guys, and we are more interested in how our baseball team is doing, and it is very likely that we had to give up box seats to a game to attend the Wedding.

For guys, we one up each other by the car we drive, because we likely restored it and did the body and engine work ourselves. We use the same logic with our shelter, pointing to the house we built with our own two hands. But Women?
They one up each other by shopping. From Purses, to dresses, to shoes, it's all about the shopping experience. Their Brains ARE WIRED different. No argument from this guy!

Let me explain. When I go to Giant/Redners/Weiss Kings or Wegmans, I'm in and out in 15 minutes. When I shop, I get what I need, and get out. For reference, I'm just as quick at lowes or Homey Depot. I have to get home and get back to painting, mowing, weed whacking, or assembling whatever the wife has recently purchased. (Yesterday the wife brought home 6' metal tubular D minor Church wind chimes, that are now hanging on our front porch. (Next Post, Trust Me!)

But Back to Weddings, and their connection to a Woman's biological drives. Weddings are the ultimate statement of a woman's means and taste. They will move heaven and earth to blow their friends away in envy. A guy will restore a 64 Mustang, a woman will throw a Wedding.

Woman aren't crying for joy at weddings, They are crying in envy. If you see a man crying at a Wedding, he is either A) Gay, or B) Weeping at the thought of all the money spent that could have paid for Eagles/Phils/Flyers season tickets for at least a decade.

Now having said all that above, I don't mind Weddings. I attend very few, and I look at them as social occasions, and an opportunity, as an old married guy, to mock the groom. I get together with other old married guys, and we cluster at the rear, drink beer, and share war stories. We give our wives the obligatory Dance or two, and if the days been good, and the ceremony a quick one, We might even have found a place at the reception to sit around a TV and watch a Penn State game. (That's why I like fall weddings over Summer ones, College Football season)

So here's the deal: I have to travel to Boston in a couple of weeks and attend a Cousin's wedding. I'll get to see a bunch of family I missed on the last visit, and I'm looking forward to that. The problem is, I have lost over 100lbs in weight, and my suit doesn't fit anymore. This means I have to buy a new one. I was planning to wear Khakis, a collared shirt, and Nike's, but Mrs C was aghast at that pronouncement. So Monday night I have consented to go to Today's man and buy appropriate clothing for an outdoor, summer wedding.
I might be back with the tale of that terrifying experience in my next post, if I survive, and my wife doesn't kill me.

That will be my post from my blog beyond the grave: CSI Trexlertown

Add on:

Kathy at the Junk Drawer has some thoughts on inappropriate women's wear that I think are pretty funny. Click here: http://www.junkdrawerblog.com/

Further Add on: Okay, the Bell Chimes are in D Major, and we went to the Men's Wearhouse on Macarther road next to Michaels to purchase my new threads. Mrs C said I looked hot. I pick them up Friday.