Adventures in Yardwork

We have three dogs. They live, for the most part, in the house.
We also have skunks. They live, for the most part, in the area surrounding the retention pond/swamp behind our house, on the other side of the railroad tracks. Sometimes, the dogs and the skunk(s) cross paths. Those are very bad times.

Those times involve me giving very stinky dogs baths in the garage, usually between 9 PM and 5 AM, when I'd rather be sleeping.

Today's short tale involves a skunk. Fortunately, the dogs were not involved, Unfortunately, I was. Fortunately, the Skunk was dead. Unfortunately, It still stunk, like a Skunk.

So what happened?

One of my neighbors, a nice woman, has hired me to undertake a great deal of yard work and landscaping on her property. I work 5 or 6 hours a week, and among other things, I have been reconstituting several defined areas of bushes and plants, weeding them and putting in fresh mulch. Late last Friday, before taking the beloved Mrs C to dinner at Outback, per her wishes for our wedding anniversary, and I was out on the aforementioned property, working near some underbrush close to the railroad tracks.

I kept smelling skunk spray, but I didn't see it any where. I was on my knees, working my way around the flower bed. I grabbed a hold of a weed, and worked my hand down through the surrounding grasses, to try and grab the 4 + foot tall weed as close to the ground as possible and pull it out. It felt soft near the ground, and I let go, pulled the grasses back, and peered in to take a curious look.
I damn near jumped out of my shoes to see the face of a skunk staring back at me. It took a couple of seconds, but I realized it wasn't moving. The smell was bad, but not too bad. It was dead, and the evidence behind it suggested a battle of the food chain of epic proportions. It wasn't all that big of a skunk, it was probably not all that mature, but there were a great deal of very large feathers on the ground behind the body and around it. We do have a very large hawk living in those trees, and he has been seen snagging squirrels and such to eat.

I have never heard of a hawk or bird of prey snagging a skunk, or maybe it was one of the owls that lives back there, I couldn't tell you what the feathers were from, other than it must have been big.

I didn't touch the skunk again, and I didn't tell the nice lady who owns the place about it. No need freaking her out, was my thinking. I took my shovel and scooped it up. I took the corpse to the rear of the property and buried it. It's only 4 doors down from me, so Wednesday night, when I was out in the yard with Sally at dusk, and I saw Sally start heading for the black and white striped critter waddling along our property line below the railroad, I quickly grabbed Sally dog and dragged her into the house.

I wonder if the skunk was looking for a departed friend? I know it's a skunk, but I feel bad for it. Hey, they're one of God's creatures too. I wonder if we smell as bad to them as they do to us?
Think about that for awhile.

Introducing a new "Tools of Testosterone" Family member....!

Aah, there's nothing a real American guy loves more than his wife, but if anything is even close, a true guy loves getting a new tool for use around the castle!
That's right! I purchased a brand spankin' new, Bolens' 17 inch gas powered weed whacker! Can you not feel the Testosterone that is being released just by my writing about it?!

Now I didn't just purchase this for use at Casa de Casey, no, no, no. This baby is going to get some heavy duty use around the Veteran's graves and a few others over at Fairview Cemetery. Beware, Groundhogs! I might not be allowed to blast you bastards with a shotgun within city limits, but there's nothing to stop me from going all "Leatherface Texas Chainsaw Massacre" on you with my weed whacker, with the throttle wide open, it will do some damage, you oversized rodents! Take that! Ha!

Sunday night I took my new weed Whacker out of the box, assembled it, mixed the fuel, and gave it a try. That baby fired right up! Boolyah! I took it for a test run on a couple of my neighbor customer yards, trimming the curbs.
The best thing was, it had all the parts! You know why? It was made in GOD BLESS AMERICA! not that damnable China! Ha! You people at the Secret Chinese Cable Satellite Spy network thought sending me all those Lowe's gift cards would get me to buy more of your products! Ha! Sure, you will probably get a few new episodes of "Chris Casey, Home improvement Moron", out of it for your viewers, and God knows, I might end up accidentally amputating something yet, but I'm doing something every god fearing, respectable, true blooded American would do, cleaning Vet's graves, so there!

Roar!!!! I'm going to need to use earplugs! I can't wait for Tuesday afternoon at Fairview. Beware weeds,I'm coming, and I'm bring the serious heavy artillery!
Boolyah!

Ethel Mae Casey, Super Consumer!

Meet Miss Ethel Mae Casey, at least that's what we call her, and that's what her name is on somebody's mailing list.
Isn't she cute? She is a very happy dog. She likes to chase bunnies, stroll in the swamp, and roll around in the various poop of our indigenous neighbors, like the deer, the foxes, and even the possums.
Apparently, according to someones database out there, she likes to shop! So today in the mail, she gets the following:


Inviting her to participate in a shoppers survey. Now we have had our suspicions about Ethel, what with the wireless system somehow getting turned on, the mysterious credit card charges to Orvis, and the miscellaneous toys, treats, and padded beds that keep showing on the porch, but now this confirms it!

Fortunately I intercepted this survey before she could fill it out!

Under Charitable causes, I have no doubt she would have checked, "Animal shelter, and under Occupation, "Retired."

There is a section titled "weight Management" which she does relate to, food wise, but under Leisure activities, I'd have to say "Sleeping."

Finally, the last page says if she fills it out and returns it by October 13th, she will be entered to win an additional $2500 dollars! Now that's tempting, almost makes me want to let her do it.

Here's an excerpt from their letter to Ethel:

"Dear Shopper,

As a Pennsylvania resident, you lay a key role in our consumer Surveys. (Really! Our Ethel, AKA Snuffy?! Who Knew!) Once in a while we carefully select individuals in your community - those whom we feel represent the smartest, most value conscious shoppers.

(Oh yeah, that's our Snuffy dog, smart and budget conscious!) Then we use some of our research budget to find out exactly what these smart shoppers really want. (Must be one hell of a budget!)

If our hunch is right, you are such a person. (I hope you guys already got paid!) That's why I'm sending you this private invitation through the mail."

I'm going to skip ahead here, to my favorite part:

"As the Main Grocery Shopper in your household - when you speak your mind, Better products get to market".

Yep, our dog does make the market better. She especially likes the Natural Dog Biscuits fortified with Vitamins and 6 minerals that you can only buy at Sam's club. She likes Nutro dog food for Senior Dogs, but also likes an occasional plain McDonald's hamburger, served after a visit to the Puppy wash.

At the Puppy wash her hair is washed in a creme rinse, giving it that soft feel, and fragrant smell, that only helps to keep her smelling fresh until she finds someone's fresh poop to roll in. Yep, Snuffy's doing her part to help get better products to the market!

On Top of all this, for serving as an OFFICIAL PENNSYLVANIA PARTICIPANT in OUR 2008 Consumer Product Survey of America, Ethel , aka "Snuffy" could win a lot of money. What is sad is we still get credit card offers for her all the time. I toss them in the shredder. That's where this is headed now. But I'm going to give her and the other two dogs a treat first. They deserve it. It's hard work being the subject of a blog, for a dog.

Gee what's next, is she registered to Vote? Oh My God, What if she's a Supervoter!!! Will Sarah Palin make her an official Iditarod spokesdog? Will Joe Biden offer to make her an honorary drug sniffing dog for the DEA? God help us!

9/6/96, Hurrican Fran, A Wet Skunk, and NINE Clocks

So what's new after 12 years of wedded bliss? We went from one dog and two cats (ALL DECEASED) to three dogs. We moved from Allentown to Trexlertown in 2004, and now live at the residence where we had our outdoor wedding. Pretty Cool, huh?!

But the best part is the great friendship I have with my soul mate, the one and only Mrs C.
I have plans for the weekend, but last night we sat on our deck, with darkness falling, we sat in the light of burning candles and tiki torches and reflected on the last 12 years, with three furry children at our feet. We were also hoping to see another moth fly into the flames of the torches and incinerate itself, something they have been doing quite a bit of lately. Now there's a hobby, watching Moths commit suicide!

Anyway, back to 9/6/96. Our wedding was scheduled for sunset. The deck was to be lined with candles, the minister standing at the corner, with us entering from opposite ends. Our friends and family gathered around and below. It was a beautiful concept. On the off chance that it might rain, a tent was rented. In hindsight, that was a brilliant move.

At 6 PM, it was overcast, and guests were arriving, including an uninvited one, the remnants of Hurricane Fran. When we started the ceremony, it started raining so hard that you couldn't see outside the tent. But we pulled it off, tears and all. I actually think my wife's Dad cried more than anyone else.

Anyway, by 8:30, the rain had stopped, and the beer kegs were still going strong. That's when our next uninvited guest showed up. The Wet Skunk. Yep, that'll clear a party! That's what happens when you have a swamp behind the house, critters tend to visit at the worst possible time, and still unfortunately do. (Just ask our Sally dog, who still thinks that Skunks should be chased, despite numerous spraying)

Finally, everybody was exhausted, and wanted to go to bed, but my wife's Mom insisted we open all the presents before we leave. She wanted to see who gave what.
Now here's a funny note: We registered at J.C. Penney at the Lehigh Valley Mall. For some reason, we received 9, yes that is NINE CLOCKS. I quickly learned that my wife's family might have been trying to tell me that she had a bit of a problem with being on time. Oh, well.

Out of my years of wedded Bliss, and experience, I have devised the following nuggets of advice.
First, when it comes to wedding gifts, give cash. it's always appreciated, and usually goes for something that is needed. We did get a teapot that is shaped like a cat that I still use, but other than the damn clocks, I can't think of anything else we got off hand.

Second: The Wife is always right. Never doubt here. She might be wrong, but don't tell her. It's better that way, trust me.

Third: When it comes to surprise gifts, Roses = Good, Diet Books = Bad. Don't ever go there. I've been there, and it is a bad place to be.

I could go on and on, but these three pretty much sum up my rules for living a happy marriage. It also helps to keep all the dog poop cleaned up in the yard without being asked, because if she steps in it in those shoes she wears to work, they're ruined, and that means she has to buy at least 5 pairs to replace them. Some day I'll write about the Mrs C Shoe closet and museum, but because it is our anniversary week and I like my wife happy and content, I won't be doing that any time soon, like possibly in the next millennium.

Graveyard Tales

Okay, here is a spooky Story.

So I'm at Fairview Cemetery, and I'm on my knees, moving a marker back onto it's slab, when I swear I feel something pounding on the ground from below me, in the ground. Then I swear I hear knocking, like a fist pounding on a door, and I can feel it vibrating up through the ground. I stood up pretty damn quickly. I actually had a vision of the movie Carrie, you know, the original with Sissy Spacek, and the hand coming out of the ground at the end?

Now there are several Ground Hog Holes in the area, so maybe they were building a new line, and blasing, but who knows?

That happened about three weeks ago. So yesterday, I'm mowing away, and I'm doing this one big open space where they buried a bunch of people from the Good Shepherd Home. There's one big marker with the names of the interred, and after I finished that section, I grabbed my digital camera and started documenting the graves of vets. I'm walking along, and I happen to look down the hill at where I had mowed, and I swear there's someone dressed in black wearing a veil standing in the middle of that open space, appearing to look down at the ground. I started walking towards her(?), and was about to call out, when I stepped in a Groundhog hole and fell down, dropping my camera. When I got up, she was gone.

I walked down there, and despite it being almost 5 PM on a hotter summer day, I got a chill. I wonder sometimes if I let an active imagination get the best of me, but I know what I saw. The Picture at the top is as close as I have of that area. The area where the Good Shepherd residents are interred is to the right and behind the markers facing the road. This is what I call "Casey's Corner" which includes the area around the trees to the right, where my wife's Mom and Grandmother are buried. I'm trying to clean it up, and improve it a little more on each visit. Now if I could only get a few more people to adopt some areas and do the same.